something someone said before
is just like it is now
don't know who anyhow
could ever think aloud
something that is new
and still worth saying
I ain't got no dignity
I haven't much at all
I've begged too much to take
baked beyond my brain
lame and still the same
I'm only faking
life's supposed to be a picket fence
I'm supposed to fall in love
like love was made to stay
day never fades away
don't act like you're okay
we all know you're jaded
something someone said before
said it better than I can now
I don't care to anyhow
there's nothing I can say
I bow my head and pray
but it's no use believing
circumstance and dumb luck chance
are recorded into fact
sitting back to back
staring at the dark
relax it's just a match
that I am holding
there ain't no place for you here son
it's best just to go home
you're bound to die alone
cling to your cellphone
you're always stuck on roam
and no one's calling
something someone said before
is ringing true right now
bluer than the sky
makes me want to cry
how could you tell a lie
when we're all dying?
flying to the moon upon a gilded rocketship
both shoulders got a chip
flip out and take a shit
in a paper bag that's lit
you filthy little slit
that's right I'm cussing
your parents never liked me much
I never gave a fuck
my nuts were in a sling
I just did my own thing
a girl that I could bring home
to my mother
something someone said before
cannot be said again
it's forgotten with the wind
blown out like a pilot light
too tired to say goodnight
but I'm not sleepy
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interesting and quite good. two comments:
ReplyDelete1.) i immediately saw it's alright ma in it - and that is a brilliant move. good connection especially to the themes of family, mother's, and love in general. so, i'd play that up a bit more if possible. really really subtle hints to the song.
2.) i think there should be a regular rhyme scheme - and that might be enough to ensure that it has it's alright ma' in it's essence. although - if you're going for a jarring, haggard, almost stuttering or muttering type of feel - then i would also use a rhyme scheme but have it be special keeping that in mind.
anyway - really good stuff.
oh, one more thing
3. the end's tone gets out of whack - the voice shifts into a sort of relapse into your more graphic and "rap" voice. i like some of the images and messages that are contained within it, but the language shift is too dramatic. i liked the serious tone you had going previous to that.
my daily editing fix has been completed